Autumn 2010

In the last few weeks, I've had various people ask me if I'm enjoying my time of resting.

I always hesitate to answer that question. I want to tell the truth, and somehow "enjoying" doesn't seem to be the right word for this season.

Is it good to rest? Yes. Am I learning many things? Yes. Do I feel God is with me in this time of uncertainty and seeming aimlessness? Absolutely.

Am I enjoying it? Not necessarily.

God is stretching me beyond myself, bringing me to repentance over my insatiable need to be busy and feel productive, to think that I am contributing in tangible ways to His work. Again and again, He stills my agitated heart - and hands - and prompts me to be still. And not just sit still. No - I must BE still - all of me, inside and out. Then, to further stretch me, He adds to the instruction to be still the command to rejoice in it, to praise Him and find joy in this time of resting, restraining myself and living with uncertainty.

Perhaps I am supposed to enjoy it, after all....

In the meantime, He has not left me idle. Being still is not the same thing as being lazy, and of that He often reminds me.

I have been teaching my niece for a little over a month now. She comes over to the house three mornings a week, and we cover pre-school basics. She is a delightful little bundle of energy and contradictions, and I adore her. I admit that she does keep me guessing as to how she will attempt to squirm and charm her way out of doing her "schoolwork" next, but I believe that we have each met our match in the other. Here are some pictures of Kaila at "school" with Aunt Becca:







Sydney at the park on our "field trip."



I have also become my mom's designated chauffeur. A few weeks ago, she and I were on our way to pick up horsefeed in her minivan when a teenaged driver swerved into us and hit the van. No one was hurt, thankfully, but he was taken off to jail, and the insurance declared the van totalled. We're hoping to get a new vehicle in the near future, but in the meantime, I drive her most places in my dad's old truck. It's a standard, and she doesn't drive stick. I do, thanks to driving in Korea - and I have to say, I enjoy the feeling of power in driving that big old thing....

Overall, I know that this period of rest is what I needed. There are many good things in it, and much of it has been good for me. I do love having time with my family. I miss teaching and being busy, but I've seen over and over that this time to focus on restoration and transition has been - and is, still - necessary for me. I'm grateful that He has arranged it, and I look forward to what He will bring out of it.

Am I enjoying my rest? Well, when you put it that way - yes, I guess I am.