A Reason To Sing

Over the past year or two, I have become increasingly aware of a sort of antipathy towards music in worship. It's come up in the form of conversations, comments and quotes on Facebook, blog posts, and links to articles, among other things. It seems to take two basic forms: one, that too often worship is equated with music alone, so therefore a person cannot or will not enjoy or participate in the musical portion of a worship service; and two, that the music used in worship - actually, the lyrics, I believe, is what's being referred to in this instance - does not accurately reflect where a person is in his Christian walk, so therefore, he cannot or should not sing those words because they are not true (at least for him). I have listened to people talk about these issues and read some of these articles and often as a result, I have been provoked to thoughtful reflection on the concept of music in worship. But although I have tried to listen well and hear what is actually being said, I have also felt broadsided by the criticism and cynicism that seems to accompany much of this discussion.

Now I will freely admit that I am a musical person. Music is important to me. I love music. I teach music. Music has always been a part of my life. God speaks to me through music.

But I think this issue goes beyond preferences and giftings and what appeals to us as individuals. This issue comes up against a larger issue of discipline and obedience. This is not about whether I enjoy music or whether I'm a good singer or whether I can play an instrument or not. It's not about whether I agree with all of the philosophies of people leading music or using music in worship. This is not even about whether or not I can carry a tune or feel comfortable singing in a group. Ultimately, this comes down to whether or not I take God seriously when He says something. And God does have something to say about music: He says "Sing to the Lord. Make music. Play skillfully. Make melodies in your hearts. Speak to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs." It's in both the Old and New Testaments. (See 1 Chronicles 16:23; Psalm 30:4; Psalm 96:1-2; Isaiah 42:10-11; Ephesians 5:18-20; Colossians 3:15-17; a myriad of psalms and other references I did not list. Look it up for yourself – music is all through the Bible!)

The first side of this discussion that I mentioned is that too often music is equated with worship. I agree. It is true that, sadly, the words "worship" and "music" are often interchangeable in Christian circles. They shouldn't be, because music is only one aspect of worship, which is giving God what He is worth or acknowledging His "worth-ship." Worship should be a part of every aspect of life for the believer, whether he is singing an anthem with a marvelous choir or scrubbing a dirty toilet. Trust me, I know about both singing with choirs and toilet-scrubbing. I was a music major at a Christian university and I was privileged to sing wonderful, majestic pieces of God-praising music with choirs of gifted people. I also worked on a custodial crew in my dormitory, and more than once, God reminded me that I was to do everything as unto Him - whether I was singing or cleaning toilets (Colossians 3:17, 22-24). (Sometimes, I even did both at the same time...!)

Like I said, I enjoy music. I love to sing. However, I hate scrubbing toilets. I do not enjoy it at all - but I have a choice and an opportunity to present that act of service as worship to the Lord. On the other hand, because music comes naturally to me, I can just as easily be in danger of mindlessly singing songs without truly worshipping. It all lies in the heart and a desire to offer everything I do as worship to the Lord, whether I enjoy it or not, and whether I'm "good" at it or not.

So, yes, I agree that music is not always the same thing as worship - but music is a way to worship, and God does tell us to use it in worship. How much it is used, or how loudly a person sings or what role it plays in worship may vary from person to person. I believe there is freedom for those differences of opinion and preference. I disagree, however, that we have the option of doing without it at all simply because it is sometimes given more importance than it should be assigned. The commands to sing are still there in Scripture, along with the commands to pray, to give thanks, to teach the Word, to give to the poor, to love one another, etc. We should not throw out one part simply because it is overused or misused or because we personally don't like it. This is where obedience and discipline come in - will we obey even when we don't feel like it or the circumstances don't match our expectations? Will we choose to worship because God is worthy of our worship, not because we like the form worship is taking at the moment?

The second form of arguments I've come across is to the effect that singing words that are not true in a person's life makes that person a liar, and since lying is wrong, the implied conclusion is that he should not sing those words. One example I remember being used for this idea was the old hymn, "Victory In Jesus." The author of this particular article seemed to feel that if he was not experiencing victory in his life then he didn't have any business singing about it.

I disagree. There is victory in Jesus, and just because someone doesn't feel it in his life doesn't make it less true. It may mean that he is not living it out as he is called to do, which in turn means that he needs to do some soul-searching, some praying and some repenting. Personally, when I sing a song with words that I know should be true but currently aren't true for me, this is what it says to me: it says that there is more to life than what I see, what I experience and what I feel. There is another reality - also known as eternity or the Kingdom of God - that is truer and more real than this world and this life, and that is where I am called to live. No, the words may not be true for me today, in this moment, but they can become a prayer that they would be true and a challenge to be obedient and make them true. Sometimes it makes me pause in the middle of the song and think more deeply about what I'm testifying to as I sing. Sometimes I do need to drop out for a verse or two or three until I've confessed my sinfulness and neediness to the Lord. I do want to be authentic and real in what I sing, in how I live, in what I say and do. But if I wait until every aspect of my life matches what I know to be true from the Bible, I will never be able to sing truth or speak truth. There will always be room for growth and change, and the truth in these songs makes me desire to do just that - grow and change until Christ is formed in me.

I titled this post "A Reason To Sing" because a song has been running through my head a couple of days now. The bridge says the following:

"All of my life,
In every season,
You are still God -
I have a reason to sing,
I have a reason to worship."

My intent is not to downplay or trivialize anyone's honest search for truth in this area of music and worship. It just seems that often this struggle becomes more focused on the people themselves than on Scripture and God. I've been troubled by this attitude towards music for awhile now, but as I was singing these words yesterday and today, they reminded me once again of the facts that we are commanded to sing and that truth is not based on how we feel.

The truth is that we serve a great God. He is always God, no matter what season of life we are facing, no matter what our circumstances may be at the moment, no matter what we are struggling with, no matter how we feel.

He is always worthy of our worship in every aspect of our lives.

And if we will remember that, then I believe we can always find a reason to sing.

Identity

I have been having an identity crisis this summer. As of the beginning of June, both my job and my specific ministry came to a halt. I left Korea, the place I have worked, played, grown and come to love in the last six years, and I returned to the States, knowing that I would not be back this fall for the new school year. It was a transition I was both dreading and excitedly anticipating. The dread came from not knowing what was next, the anticipation from wondering what God will do in the next few months.

I knew to expect to have to readjust to American culture, to find certain aspects more difficult - to feel different because of my overseas experiences. I knew that going to the store would be overwhelming sometimes and that I would still want to bow a little when I greet people or place my left hand on my right elbow when I hand money to the cashier (a sign of respect in Korea)or look for the light switches on the outside of rooms. I knew I would miss kimchi and calbi and buddae chiggae. (If you do not know what those are, your life is sadly incomplete!) Most of all, I knew I would miss people and relationships that have been my source of comfort and joy and challenge and encouragement for the last few years. I had prepared myself for all of these possibilities and more. But I was not prepared for the identity crisis that hit me this summer.

It began in earnest the first time I contemplated going to church. The idea of walking into a place where I used to feel I belonged nearly caused me a panic attack the first few Sundays. Suddenly, I didn't know where I fit in, who I was in relation to the people there, how I was supposed to be a part of a body I used to count as close as family. Who was I, really, if not a "missionary?"

And that began my journey of learning who I am in this new context, who I am in Christ. It's not over by any means, and it has been painful at times as the Lord has stripped away the things I have leaned on to define myself in the past few years, but I would like to share with you some of the things He has shown me. He has given me hope for this leg of the journey, reminding me that He is always with me, always loving me through the difficult times like these.

First of all, He has reminded me that identity is not based on what I do. Teaching overseas in a Christian school does not define who I am. It may reveal things about me, but it is not ultimately me. Who I am, really, is the new creation that Christ has made me. I am redeemed, restored, sanctified, justified in the truest reality, and this life is a process of living out the righteousness of Christ in me.

From there, He is leading me to prioritize my time and energy according to the burdens and callings He has given me. For me, specifically, this falls in the area of discipleship. I desire to see the Body equipped, built up, called out to be who it is meant to be - to see people rise up and follow Christ wholeheartedly. He has burdened me to be a part of that in whatever capacity I am able to fill. What I do to earn money or make a living is not the issue here - what I am doing to build His Kingdom is of far more importance. He will provide the rest.

And finally, He is showing me, again, that there is eternal value in little things. No, I am not working overseas and I am not teaching or using my college degree exactly as it was meant to be used - but He has placed family and friends and people around me that He desires me to serve and love. He has given me relationships that need to be cultivated and opportunities to bless people who have blessed me innumerable times. And He has shown me over and over that He is enough - He is sufficient for every phase of life, every twist in the story He is writing. As much as I wonder what He is doing, I know that He is good, and that goodness will be evident in the things that lie ahead. I know that I must choose to trust and obey Him - that in the end, that is the only choice that makes sense.

Worship

The shattering of my soul

continues,

bringing brokenness.

Death to the walls

of my perspective,

my experiences

my knowledge.

Life floods the broken walls,

flowing, filling, renewing.

Beauty rises,

stretches her hands in praise,

continues

forward in peace.

Steadfast

Empowered
by Your grace
we raise our heads
and face
the scavenger of death,
the hissing
of sin personified.
No longer lambs,
we stand
with the Lion of Judah -
You.
Your LIFE transfuses
this weary flesh,
these dry bones;
Your Spirit calls us
to raise the sword
and engage this war.
Covered in Your armor,
we tread forward
with confidence
in Your presence
to win back these souls
that are lost,
to see others rise
to the call,
to form the Body
You created us
to be.
Victory rings
with certainty
through our very beings
as You advance
Your army.
Nothing can stand
before the sovereignty
of Your crown,
our King,
our Lord,
our God.

Journey

I stand at the grave

of Hope
and I pause
battling myself
my desires
how did this come to be?
memories of the altar
the lowering blade -
where was the substitute sacrifice?
isn't that what You do?
isn't that Your way?
not this
not death
not defeat
surrender -
I chose surrender
and You gave me this?
Lord God, why?
I stand here
I pause -
and in that breath
You speak
You call me to leave
this grave
and to come away
to look up
as Holiness walks beside me
and leads me on
through the fire
that ravages my soul
in the distance
I see a new Hope
refined and purified
waiting for me
no defeat after all
only sovereign delay
no longer standing
I walk in confidence
leaving behind
the old Hope
and rejoicing
in what You have made new

Beloved

I stand before You
Naked
Yet unashamed
Trembling
Before Your piercing eye
Knowing You see
Every blemish
Every scar
Every imperfection
Every wound
Nothing covers me
Nothing shields me
From Your gaze
I hold nothing
In my hands now
All that I could bring
With me
Lies at Your feet
Unheeded
Worthless
And I am stripped
Vulnerable
Waiting
I know You
Have called me
I know You
Love me
I know You
Yet I die
Agonizingly expectant
And I come alive
Breathlessly hopeful
As You speak
My name
Beautiful
Captivating
Your robes cover me
You shield me
From the haunting eyes
Of others
You protect me
I stand in confidence
Before You
Complete in You
Whole
Redeemed
Yours

Yearning

Come out
from the shadows
stand in the Light
and see His face
there
before you -
His Bride
He has called you
did you not hear
His voice
speaking your name?
He has ransomed you
rescued you
from death itself
Still you cower
doubting His call
doubting His grace
doubting Him
Will you not step forward?
bask in His presence?
be His Bride?
O come!
You are His
and He would give Life
full
abundant
free
to you
living in you
He is yours
and in Him
you have all
you need
Come be
who He created you to be
Reveal your beauty
your holiness
your compassion and love
Cast away your lovers
your false husbands
and be His!
wholly, completely His!
Rouse yourself
from your complacent
sleep
and come
be the Bride
He has called you to be.

Glorious

My soul weighs heavy
with anguish
My spirit cowers
in grief
My pride
My thoughts
My words
My deeds
My sins
torment me
Nailed to the Cross?
Faith and hope -
fragile threads
to which I cling
are frayed by doubt
by guilt
I am adrift
my head bowed
low
my palms flat
to the floor
No more tears
none left
for this sorrow
yet I hear the plaintive pleas
of my own heart
Nailed to the Cross?
May it be reality
in me!
May Your life
bud in me
bloom in me
bear fruit in me
For there is
grace enough
to forgive
and redemption
for my soul
nailed to the Cross.

Coming Alive

What do we desire? Really truly desire in life?
To be successful - however we measure success?
To be recognized by others for what we have done or who we are?

To be loved? To love?

To be married? To escape marriage? To have children? To change our mistakes in raising children?

How badly do we desire it - whatever "it" is?
Have we folded it up, put it away in a box somewhere in a storage room, locking the door so it is hidden where no one else can see it - where we can't get to it anymore - where God can't touch it? After all, isn't it easier to breathe, to live, without the disappointment of unfulfilled desire hanging over us?

Yet if we will stop and be still - listen closely - God is calling to each of us - to our very souls. He is calling us to come to Him and to fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts in Him. "Come to Me," He says over and over. "I AM the Way. I AM the Truth. I AM the Life. I AM everything you are looking for."

Nothing will happen in our lives, in our relationships, in our communities if we put away desires and settle for things as they are, if we do not take these desires to Him and ask in confident faith for Him to fulfill them.

He is not Santa Claus. He is not a catalog where we can put in our order or give our wish list. He is a good God who cannot be put "into a box." When we ask, we must trust His goodness, because the fulfillment of our desires may not look at all like what we envisioned when we asked. But the fulfillment of our requests will be His best answer for us - not just what is good, but what is truly BEST.

Every desire, every hunger, every thirst deep within our hearts and souls is satisfied in Him. He is calling us to come and bask in His presence - to come experience life with Him and in Him - life in abundant fullness.

Why do we hesitate? Why do we not go to Him?

To come, to seek, to desire is to risk everything - to risk disappointment, to risk pain and failure. To come means to abandon all in the quest for and hope of fulfillment - to let go of what is safe and secure and to allow Him to fulfill each desire with His best.

Perhaps that best is the patience that comes from interceding for loved ones and waiting for Him to change their hearts. Perhaps it is a heart that has found rest in Him despite the wounds and pain inflicted by those who claim to love us. Perhaps it is freedom to obey despite the criticism of others. Perhaps it is a soul that has come through the lonely fires of singleness and found Him sufficient.

Whatever His best looks like, coming to Him will both empty us and fill us. It is at once thrilling and terrifying. But we must come - because not to come is to continue in living death.

"Here I Raise My Ebeneezer..."

"So I find this law at work:

When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being, I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

What a wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

Romans 7:21 - 8:2

Through Romans 6,7, and 8, Paul is talking about how the law reveals what is sin and death in us. The law is good because it points to what is holy and righteous, but it is a harsh taskmaster because it reveals all sin and impurity in our lives, leaving us condemned and hopeless.

Yet God in His love and mercy, sent His Son to bear that condemnation, to take our sins revealed by His law upon Himself, and to subject Himself to that very sentence of death that we - that I - deserved.

And now because I am in Christ, I find two laws warring within me: the new desire for holiness and righteousness, to live up to God's law through the freedom that leads to obedience; and the old sinfulness that still seeks to strangle and entrap me and to bring death to my soul.

So there are these two - the law of God that my mind delights in, and the law of death that refuses to release its hold - that constantly battle for control, constantly struggle within me. "When I want to do good, evil is right there with me."

How strongly my spirit resonates with Paul's words: "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?"

Who indeed? Is there no escape, no rescue in sight from this tumult and storm and raging war within my body and soul and mind and heart? How it seems to engulf every part of me!

And yet - "Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord."

There is freedom already purchased for me, freely provided to me - although not free in its cost to Him.

And yet still - "I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

The battle remains - even knowing I am free, redeemed, covered by His blood - there is still the war between this new, imputed righteousness, and the old, in-born sinfulness. No matter how I struggle, it remains with me and within me, and I tire of fighting to be free!

I wonder why Paul voices this struggle, then thanks God for His rescue - then restates the battle of two laws, two natures. It seems so hopeless in its constant cycle.

But the very next words ring out with hope and victory: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

No condemnation? None? Even when I struggle and fail, when the law of sin wins over the law of God and is evident in my thoughts, my attitudes, my actions and words? Even when I fall into old sin habits and practices that I thought I had overcome? Even when fatigue and emotional exhaustion make me vulnerable to temptation and I once again allow my flesh to lead over the Spirit?

No condemnation - now? Right now, this moment - as the struggle continues and I grieve over sins committed even recently? Why? How? How can there not be condemnation and punishment for the many - innumerable - times that the sinful nature triumphs, and evil seems so ingrained in my choices?

Because I am in Christ Jesus.

Because His blood covers my sins.

Because His Spirit seals me for eternity.

Because no one - nothing - can take me from His hand.

Because He chose me from before the foundations of the earth.

Because He is alive and His nature lives in me.

Because I am His, "there is therefore now no condemnation."

I am free.

Free to obey the Spirit, to walk in-step with His voice and leading, to live apart from sin and death. I am called not to live under the old law that revealed sin in my life, but under a new law directed by the Spirit "in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met" - in me. My mind and heart and soul are now set on Christ; I desire to live out His righteousness in me.

And even when I fail in that, I am not condemned because I am in Him. Because I am in Him, I have the freedom to confess and seek forgiveness. Because I am in Him, I can know in full assurance that He has cleansed me from that unrighteousness. Because I am in Him, I can continue forward, learning what it truly is to walk in His grace and truth. Because I am in Him, I do not have to wait until I have conquered all my sins and weaknesses and atoned for all my mistakes before I come to Him, before I seek His face. Because I am in Him, victory is available, and full atonement has been provided. What peace and joy and hope reside in this truth; full, abundant life waits to blossom and bear fruit within me!

I am His, and I am free.

Community

Living overseas in an expatriate community has given me a unique glimpse into what the Body of Christ should look like. Most of the people with whom I spend time are here for the same reason: ministry work. We have chosen to leave our home countries, our families and friends, familiar languages, customs and conveniences and take up residence in a place that is foreign and unfamiliar. Because of that, our lives tend to become very tightly woven together. We work together, play together, eat together, worship together, serve together - you name it, and we probably do it together. We become our family - sisters and brothers and aunts and uncles and even mothers, fathers and children.

But even beyond all of that, we often take on distinct roles in our community. In the place of ministry - in my case, an international Christian school - there is often a need to step in and perform many different jobs. The music teacher, for instance (that would be me), can also coordinate chapels, lead discipleship, be the local member care representative, be a mentor teacher and help out with a myriad of other activities.

Sometimes those roles become blurred and blended as many people fill a need or take on a burden for a particular ministry. Sometimes, there are simply not enough people to make every program work and so some things are allowed to die or are postponed for a later time. The community is fluid and flexible as people come and leave and as needs arise or fade.

Just as Paul exhorts the Corinthian church to regard themselves as a unit, a body, it is imperative for those of us in overseas ministry to be unified and to work together to accomplish our purpose for being here. We cannot go out and find fifty more people to work with or to take the place of people we do not get along with - they simply are not available. We are forced to cooperate, to practice forgiveness and reconciliation, to resolve conflict and make peace. Unresolved issues eat away at the community as a whole, and there is no escape unless someone leaves the country (even then, deep-rooted problems are often left behind).

I have come to believe that this is actually a very good picture of what the Body should look like, whether it is here in Korea or back in the States. We have lost the sense of community in much of the North American church - but it is alive and well in the church overseas.

Paul reminds us both in Romans and in I Corinthians that we each have been given a gift, that we each have a role and a purpose for where God has placed us. I would urge you to develop those gifts, to discover your role and to faithfully pursue whatever calling God places on you. If any one of us does not fill his or her place, the Body is then not whole - at best it is handicapped. Sometimes that place is in an area we enjoy, a place where we feel we fit well and are fulfilled. Sometimes that place is difficult, working with issues or with people with whom we feel inadequate in dealing.

Paul also urges the Church to find unity, not division. If we focus on the differences, we will not be able to work as a unit, but if we will view our similarities of vision and burdens as most important, we will find ourselves accomplishing God's purposes for His Church. Sometimes, that means working through conflict and personal issues with others in the Body. It takes time and effort to develop relationships that withstand conflict - and even more time and effort to restore relationships that have been damaged. However, if we desire a true representation of the Body and not simply a group of people who agree with us on everything, we will find that the time and effort are worth giving.

My final thought on being in this overseas community is that the work of the Holy Spirit seems so much more real and visible. We could not function as a Body if we did not have the Spirit connecting us to our Head, Jesus Christ. There are too many differences of background, church practices, convictions, vision, etc., for us to fill our specific roles and to be unified without His intervening work in our lives. We also live too closely connected to continue liking each other without Him in our midst! How often I have seen His work left out of the church - relegated to a place of doctrinal head knowledge, but not viewed as living, breathing, necessary reality. How different the Body of Christ might be if we were each vitally connected to our Head through listening to and keeping in step with the Spirit.

The Body is vastly important to the Christian walk. How much more effective the Church would be at accomplishing God's command to go and make disciples and to preach the Gospel if we would learn to function in the community and as the Body of which we were created to be a part.