Journey

I stand at the grave

of Hope
and I pause
battling myself
my desires
how did this come to be?
memories of the altar
the lowering blade -
where was the substitute sacrifice?
isn't that what You do?
isn't that Your way?
not this
not death
not defeat
surrender -
I chose surrender
and You gave me this?
Lord God, why?
I stand here
I pause -
and in that breath
You speak
You call me to leave
this grave
and to come away
to look up
as Holiness walks beside me
and leads me on
through the fire
that ravages my soul
in the distance
I see a new Hope
refined and purified
waiting for me
no defeat after all
only sovereign delay
no longer standing
I walk in confidence
leaving behind
the old Hope
and rejoicing
in what You have made new

Beloved

I stand before You
Naked
Yet unashamed
Trembling
Before Your piercing eye
Knowing You see
Every blemish
Every scar
Every imperfection
Every wound
Nothing covers me
Nothing shields me
From Your gaze
I hold nothing
In my hands now
All that I could bring
With me
Lies at Your feet
Unheeded
Worthless
And I am stripped
Vulnerable
Waiting
I know You
Have called me
I know You
Love me
I know You
Yet I die
Agonizingly expectant
And I come alive
Breathlessly hopeful
As You speak
My name
Beautiful
Captivating
Your robes cover me
You shield me
From the haunting eyes
Of others
You protect me
I stand in confidence
Before You
Complete in You
Whole
Redeemed
Yours

Yearning

Come out
from the shadows
stand in the Light
and see His face
there
before you -
His Bride
He has called you
did you not hear
His voice
speaking your name?
He has ransomed you
rescued you
from death itself
Still you cower
doubting His call
doubting His grace
doubting Him
Will you not step forward?
bask in His presence?
be His Bride?
O come!
You are His
and He would give Life
full
abundant
free
to you
living in you
He is yours
and in Him
you have all
you need
Come be
who He created you to be
Reveal your beauty
your holiness
your compassion and love
Cast away your lovers
your false husbands
and be His!
wholly, completely His!
Rouse yourself
from your complacent
sleep
and come
be the Bride
He has called you to be.

Glorious

My soul weighs heavy
with anguish
My spirit cowers
in grief
My pride
My thoughts
My words
My deeds
My sins
torment me
Nailed to the Cross?
Faith and hope -
fragile threads
to which I cling
are frayed by doubt
by guilt
I am adrift
my head bowed
low
my palms flat
to the floor
No more tears
none left
for this sorrow
yet I hear the plaintive pleas
of my own heart
Nailed to the Cross?
May it be reality
in me!
May Your life
bud in me
bloom in me
bear fruit in me
For there is
grace enough
to forgive
and redemption
for my soul
nailed to the Cross.

Coming Alive

What do we desire? Really truly desire in life?
To be successful - however we measure success?
To be recognized by others for what we have done or who we are?

To be loved? To love?

To be married? To escape marriage? To have children? To change our mistakes in raising children?

How badly do we desire it - whatever "it" is?
Have we folded it up, put it away in a box somewhere in a storage room, locking the door so it is hidden where no one else can see it - where we can't get to it anymore - where God can't touch it? After all, isn't it easier to breathe, to live, without the disappointment of unfulfilled desire hanging over us?

Yet if we will stop and be still - listen closely - God is calling to each of us - to our very souls. He is calling us to come to Him and to fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts in Him. "Come to Me," He says over and over. "I AM the Way. I AM the Truth. I AM the Life. I AM everything you are looking for."

Nothing will happen in our lives, in our relationships, in our communities if we put away desires and settle for things as they are, if we do not take these desires to Him and ask in confident faith for Him to fulfill them.

He is not Santa Claus. He is not a catalog where we can put in our order or give our wish list. He is a good God who cannot be put "into a box." When we ask, we must trust His goodness, because the fulfillment of our desires may not look at all like what we envisioned when we asked. But the fulfillment of our requests will be His best answer for us - not just what is good, but what is truly BEST.

Every desire, every hunger, every thirst deep within our hearts and souls is satisfied in Him. He is calling us to come and bask in His presence - to come experience life with Him and in Him - life in abundant fullness.

Why do we hesitate? Why do we not go to Him?

To come, to seek, to desire is to risk everything - to risk disappointment, to risk pain and failure. To come means to abandon all in the quest for and hope of fulfillment - to let go of what is safe and secure and to allow Him to fulfill each desire with His best.

Perhaps that best is the patience that comes from interceding for loved ones and waiting for Him to change their hearts. Perhaps it is a heart that has found rest in Him despite the wounds and pain inflicted by those who claim to love us. Perhaps it is freedom to obey despite the criticism of others. Perhaps it is a soul that has come through the lonely fires of singleness and found Him sufficient.

Whatever His best looks like, coming to Him will both empty us and fill us. It is at once thrilling and terrifying. But we must come - because not to come is to continue in living death.

"Here I Raise My Ebeneezer..."

"So I find this law at work:

When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being, I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

What a wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

Romans 7:21 - 8:2

Through Romans 6,7, and 8, Paul is talking about how the law reveals what is sin and death in us. The law is good because it points to what is holy and righteous, but it is a harsh taskmaster because it reveals all sin and impurity in our lives, leaving us condemned and hopeless.

Yet God in His love and mercy, sent His Son to bear that condemnation, to take our sins revealed by His law upon Himself, and to subject Himself to that very sentence of death that we - that I - deserved.

And now because I am in Christ, I find two laws warring within me: the new desire for holiness and righteousness, to live up to God's law through the freedom that leads to obedience; and the old sinfulness that still seeks to strangle and entrap me and to bring death to my soul.

So there are these two - the law of God that my mind delights in, and the law of death that refuses to release its hold - that constantly battle for control, constantly struggle within me. "When I want to do good, evil is right there with me."

How strongly my spirit resonates with Paul's words: "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?"

Who indeed? Is there no escape, no rescue in sight from this tumult and storm and raging war within my body and soul and mind and heart? How it seems to engulf every part of me!

And yet - "Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord."

There is freedom already purchased for me, freely provided to me - although not free in its cost to Him.

And yet still - "I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

The battle remains - even knowing I am free, redeemed, covered by His blood - there is still the war between this new, imputed righteousness, and the old, in-born sinfulness. No matter how I struggle, it remains with me and within me, and I tire of fighting to be free!

I wonder why Paul voices this struggle, then thanks God for His rescue - then restates the battle of two laws, two natures. It seems so hopeless in its constant cycle.

But the very next words ring out with hope and victory: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

No condemnation? None? Even when I struggle and fail, when the law of sin wins over the law of God and is evident in my thoughts, my attitudes, my actions and words? Even when I fall into old sin habits and practices that I thought I had overcome? Even when fatigue and emotional exhaustion make me vulnerable to temptation and I once again allow my flesh to lead over the Spirit?

No condemnation - now? Right now, this moment - as the struggle continues and I grieve over sins committed even recently? Why? How? How can there not be condemnation and punishment for the many - innumerable - times that the sinful nature triumphs, and evil seems so ingrained in my choices?

Because I am in Christ Jesus.

Because His blood covers my sins.

Because His Spirit seals me for eternity.

Because no one - nothing - can take me from His hand.

Because He chose me from before the foundations of the earth.

Because He is alive and His nature lives in me.

Because I am His, "there is therefore now no condemnation."

I am free.

Free to obey the Spirit, to walk in-step with His voice and leading, to live apart from sin and death. I am called not to live under the old law that revealed sin in my life, but under a new law directed by the Spirit "in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met" - in me. My mind and heart and soul are now set on Christ; I desire to live out His righteousness in me.

And even when I fail in that, I am not condemned because I am in Him. Because I am in Him, I have the freedom to confess and seek forgiveness. Because I am in Him, I can know in full assurance that He has cleansed me from that unrighteousness. Because I am in Him, I can continue forward, learning what it truly is to walk in His grace and truth. Because I am in Him, I do not have to wait until I have conquered all my sins and weaknesses and atoned for all my mistakes before I come to Him, before I seek His face. Because I am in Him, victory is available, and full atonement has been provided. What peace and joy and hope reside in this truth; full, abundant life waits to blossom and bear fruit within me!

I am His, and I am free.

Been Awhile...

So, yes, it's been awhile since I've written on here. Thought I'd just share very quickly some lyrics that have been running through my head all day. They showed up as I was pondering a difficult situation and once I realized they were there, they stayed all day. They did help me remember that all situations can be brought to the foot of the cross and left there, and that freedom is available to all who come and look at the Savior who waits there for us.

"At the cross, at the cross,

Where there's room for me;

At the cross, at the cross,

I am finally free -

At the cross....

Mercy triumphs over judgment

And grace abounds much greater than sin!

At the cross...."